When Canadians get together
they enjoy the talk of weather.
Weather is the subject which
so affects both poor and rich.
Weather is, as we are told,
mostly hot but also cold.
Weather, therefore, without doubt,
gives us lots to talk about.
A Canadian loves maple
and its syrop is a staple.
In the spring of ev'ry year,
just before the snow can clear,
Canadians sit around in shacks,
lick their fingers, that it smacks,
And indulge in eggs and cakes
and all the syrop, that it takes.
All Canadians love the ball.
So in summer, spring, and fall
They play baseball, football, hand-,
volleyball and rugby and
In the winter for good luck
instead balls they use a puck
To play hockey on their skate -
or on rollers - as of late -.
Canadians like to hear the news
of finance minister's shoes.
Budget time demands that he
show them off for all to see.
If they squeak or if they sigh,
then the taxes will be high.
If there is a curve or bow,
then the taxes may be low.
We Canadians, it's been said,
like to wager and to bet
For the pony on the nose
that he places, wins or shows.
From the lottery each week
we the greater fortunes seek,
And at the casino table
we can show them, that we're able.
Politics Canadian Style
have been with us for a while :
We believe democracy s
hould be there from sea to sea.
Now it is the latest trend,
one that does not seem to end,
To elect a politician
just for Canada's division.
We Canadians, it is known,
have some problems all our own.
"We have Ottawa to blame,
since it is a bloody shame,
All those powers, that we want,
|they control in this here land."
That's what our premiers say,
nine for yeah and one for nay.
Development of North America.
a. As seen by the original inhabitants
"What we call North America
was once a continent
On which there lived the Indian
quite happy in his tent.
The part up north - close to the ice -
the Eskimos called home,
Where they had igloos in the snow
shaped round just like a dome."
"We lived our lives in harmony,
we still say that today,
Because that fighting between tribes
was only just for play.
That massacres and scalping stuff
we started later, too,
When whites had shown us what and why
and how we were to do."
"The white men had arrived by boat
from Portugal and Spain.
They landed very close to where
today is Bangor, Maine.
They took away the Indian's land,
they cheated and they lied.
We Indians had no chance at all,
no matter what we tried."
b. As seen by the conquerors
"We first explorers came by boat
from Europe long ago.
We sought a way to India,
the other side, you know,
And when we reached that long, long coast
believed we had arrived
We said a prayer to the Lord
for thanks to have arrived."
"Thus having reached the other side
of India's continent,
We went ashore and were surprised
to see an Indian tent.
And all the people that were there
were Indians, but of course
Instead of riding elephants
were riding on a horse."
"But soon the Indians went to war,
attacked us from all sides,
They shot and killed and massacred,
collected scalps and hides.
We had no choice but had to shoot
with canons, rifles, gun.
We killed a few and very soon
we had them on the run."
Daddy said to be successfu
be sincere, work hard, be true !
And to get ahead in life
it's not what you know, but who.....
Daddy said to be a leader
you must know the work to do !
Take the office on the tenth floor
so you'll have a better view....
Daddy said to be a winner
get there first, stay well ahead !
To stay healthy be selctive
as to whom you take to bed......
Daddy said to be a rich man
stay in business without loss !
And it helps if you get married
to the daughter of the boss....
Oh, what wicked life we lead !
Oh, what poisoned seeds we seed !
Oh, what crooked lines we feed !
Just to hide the motive: GREED !
GREED is cause for the desire
to excessively acquire.
GREED will muster up the nerve
to take more than we deserve.
GREED shows us rapacity,
piggishness, voracity, avidity and glutony.
In plein old English : Not for me !
This is GREED in all its glory
and so ends my GREEDy story
Whoever was the first on earth
the scientists don't know,
They've studied genealogy,
but that alone won't show.
Thus: If they're guessing, so can I,
and my guess says it's ape
With his long arms and his short legs
and his head out of shape.
For centuries and centuries
his hair kept thinning out,
His legs grew long and he stood up
and used a stick for clout.
He caught himself a lady ape
to start a family
And thus became our ancestor :
This is quite clear to me.
To see that I am far from wrong
and very close to right
Just take a look at any bloke
the middle of the night !
Statistics come out every day
on one thing or another.
They analyse the life of you,
your father and your mother
They tell you in percentages
what's bad, what's good and plenty,
Within just two percentage points
nineteen times out of twenty.
My favourite statistics, though,
come out but once a year
Of living standards in this world
in countries far and near;
Results have shown years in a row,
that country "Number One"
Is Canada from coast to coast
in every way bar none !
the goal one dreams about
Is only one short year away,
I want to sing and shout
And with a steady check per month,
I guess that this will mean
That we will live on easy street
like any king and queen.
And just like any queen and king
we will have lots of friends
we will go trav'lling 'round the world
until the money ends.
Because, you see, the king and queen
have subjects all their own
And all we did, was see the bank
and ask for our loan.
And thus the moral of this tale
is clear for all to see :
Don't spend the money you don't have,
and that means you and me
Let's stay at home, let's keep our doe,
let's visit our kids
You can enjoy retirement
not only at the Ritz !
In Canada much earlier only the natives
They hunted for their daily food like venison and bear
The farmed the land, they raised the corn,
in peace and harmony
Until the white man came along with all his trickery.
The natives learned their lesson soon,
albeit very dear,
They caught the habit of the booze,
of whiskey, gin, and beer.
And thus disabled they fell prey to whithies cunning game,
They lost their land, they lost their rights,
it is a bloody shame.
The years have come, the years have gone,
times seemingly have changed
and in this day and age, you see,
things now are thus arranged :
Most natives live on their reserve,
they barely muddle through
on several federal subsidies,
no tax, and bingo, too.
Distinct is different, Webster says,
and he's the guy that knows
He wrote the book on words and such,
his knowledge really shows.
He tells us that to be distinct
means "not the same" as well,
And he is right for Canada,
as you can clearly tell.
The fishermen from Newfoundland,
New Brunswick, P.E.I.
They see the sun rise first of all -
high up there in the sky -
They start the day, they wake us up,
they will not let us rest,
Canadians are, as we will see,
distinct from east to west.
From Labrador right through Quebec
down to Lake Erie's shore
The oldest settlements exist,
now cities more and more
Which house the most Canadians -
well half of them at least -
Canadians are, as we all see,
distinct from west to east.
Manitoba and Saskatchewan,
Alberta and B.C.
They represent West Canada.
The folks drink beer and tea.
These people like to rodeo
and be your gracious host.
Canadians are, we clearly see,
distinct from coast to coast.
So, if some day, some loudmouth says,
he's more distinct than you,
Then tell him what you think of it,
and tell him it's not true;
From east to west and west to east
wherever you may be:
Canadians are, as we now know,
distinct from sea to sea.
When the snow started falling and the winds
start to blow,
When the nose started freezing and the cheeks start to glow,
When the snowbirds have left us till early next year,
That's when our Canadian winter is here.
In Newfoundland it's fog, lots of icebergs
Nova Scotia has wet spells, lots of clouds in the sky;
P.E.I. watches ice finally build them their bridge;
In New Brunswick they go through the ice for their fish.
Quebec is distinct, lots of snow "au
In Ontario one goes to Muskoka to ski;
Manitoba is cold much more often than not;
And Saskatchewan's people cook beans in the pot.
In Alberta the cows warm their feet with
And B.C. will melt all the snow, they just took.
They haven't the budget to push it aside,
So they take it to sea in a ferryboat ride.
No wonder we love what the winter will
There isn't another such beautiful thing
As the snow on the trees in the afternoon sun.
The Canadian winter has really begun.
Poetry in Motion
A litte bit of poetry
is nice to listen to
As long as while you're doing it
no pebble's in your shoe,
Since all the world's great poetry
and all these many words
Can never take away the pain
of pebble, when it hurts.
In our very modern age
technology is all the rage
Pneumatics open our doors
and take us up eleven floors;
We push the buttons when we dial
to use the telephone a while;
We fax a message to HongKong,
we use the copier all day long,
And sunlight feeds the battery
for calculators energy.
The prime example of the lot -
you may believe or you may not -
Is the computer, our pet,
which we use for the Internet,
To cruise the world in our chair f
rom Timbuktu to anywhere;
Or write a letter to Aunt Bee
of all the latest things to see;
Or work with it to calculate
a favorable interest rate.
Yet nature proves to us, you see,
despite all that technology,
That were dependent on her grace
for our normal living space:.
She brakes the dams that humans built
without the slightest sence of guilt
And floods the farmlands. And again
all efforts seem to be in vain
To try and stem old natures hand
and to protect this fertile land.
To some of us, as we get on, it happens
now and then
That our hearing lets us down , particularly when
We were supposed to understand instructions loud and clear
And did a really different thing because we failed to hear.
But then the doctor helped me out, I went
to pass a test,
And with his charts and graphs and curves
he knew what was the best.
A short three weeks passed by,
and that was all I had to wait
To get the cutest little instrument
they call the Hearing aid.
Now, that makes all the difference.
That thing fits in my ear,
I can adjust its sound to catch
the noise from far and near.
Its battery will last a while,
he price is not to steep
And if the volume is too high
that thing lets out a beep.
Oh , yes, I love my hearing aid. It makes
me hear again,
And I have power to decide to only listen when
It pleases me or when I think, that I should know about
Whats going on. - That really gives me clout.
So, if some day it is your turn to have
your hearing fail,
Dont get upset, dont shed a tear, that is to no avail.
Just see the doctor, have him check
his charts and graphs and such
and get yourself a hearing aid.
That thing is just too much !!!!!
The first week this year, nineteen ninety
The power went off from all of the weight
Of the ice that had formed on the wires and cables
That lead to the cities and farmes and their stables.
The ice broke the trees and the wires and
More than 3 million people had soon lost their power
To heat and to cook and to work and for light
And gathered in shelters to help in their plight.
The ice rain kept falling, amd the ice
grew and grew
From Ontario straight to the Brunswick that's new
But southern Quebec took the brunt of the rain
And all Hydro's efforts were almost in vain.
Montreal is a city of "savoir faire"
Yet this time all their streets and their buildings were bare
The city shut down for five days in a row
Without any power computers won't go.
With the help of their neighbors from New
York and Maine,
Vermont and New Hampshire, New Brunswick, the train
With the help of the army of twelve thousand men
They're fixing the problems and telling us when.
At the end of two weeks quite a lot is
For the power is missing. so the thousands can tell
Hydro promised to have all the power back on
At the end of three weeks, if we're lucky, my son.